Political Masturbation through War Fighting

A plausible conversation at the White House… a couple weeks ago:

(warning course language)

Just another day at the White House:

US General in Iraq via VideoPhone: Mr. President, sir, our troops seem to be sitting around a lot lately.

Bush: Our troops are the best in the world.

US General: Sir, Yes Sir. But we’re doing Dick all.

Rumsfeld: Sorry?

US General: Sir, Yes Sir. We have not engaged Terrorists on a significant level for quite some time sir. We need another Fallujah to break some ground.

Bush: What about where that Church got blown up a while back? There must be a crap load of terrorists there if they blew up the church!

US General: Yes Mr. President, we do believe there is an insurgent presence there. But we have no US Intelligence assets there indicating a large concentration.

Rumsfeld: Hey, what about the Iraqis! They might know something.

US General: Sir, Yes sir, However we are not comfortable with their level of objectivity, sir. They f*&ing hate each other, sir.

Bush: Are there terrorists in the city or not General.

US General: Sir, Yes most likely there are sir.

Bush: Well shit, then lets get in there and flush’em out! Maybe Zarquawi is in there. Use some Iraqi forces too. I want to see Iraqis killing those terrorists!

US General: Sir, Yes sir.

Rumsfeld: And make sure you tell the Media. Send in the Marines. This will be the biggest operation since the invasion! The Terrorists won’t see it coming! Make sure you tell the Media that!

US General: Sir, Yes sir… should we attempt to apprehend any suspects in the murder of that famous Iraqi journalist?

Bush: Didn’t she work for Al Jazeera? I thought we shut those terrorist loving bastards down?

Rumsfeld: Sure go for it General. Might make a nice story. I want to see results General. I want these insurgents to know they don’t run the country. WE DO.

General: Sir. Yes Sir! Thank you Mr. President.

A plausible thought process, afterwards… courtesy, George W. Bush

Fuck, This whole fucking operation has gone to shit. Man. I’m depressed.

I need some potato chips.

Fuck, what am I gonna do. All I wanted to do was help these fucking Iraqis.

Geezus now they’re all killing each other. Fuck. It must be that fucking Bin Laden and Zarquawi. Why can’t I fucking find them.

I need to sit down…

Fuck, we look like fuckin’ morons in Iraq. Iran has more fucking influence than we do. Fucking nutbars and their nukes. This operation should help. It better fucking help. Or we’re fuckin’ screwed. Fucking iraqis will think we’re idiots if this doesn’t turn anything up.

I love those bloody marines though, they’re fucking incredible. Can do anything.

1500 troops… (Ooo.)

Apache (mmmm) helicopters, (*hmprf*)

Iraqi forces too… (mmmm ya they work it.)

All those gunships! Wonder if they’ll use some Blackhawks (Ohh! Mmm.. fuck)

Man.. if we could get Zarquawi… (mmm, ohh, mmmm oohhh ya)

Fuck. Ya that made me feel better.

2 replies on “Political Masturbation through War Fighting”

  1. Gee, thanks, Chris. Very edifying. I haven’t been here for a few weeks and this is a good reminder of why I stopped coming around.

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